Well, last week was surely an experience.
Having spent the summer manifesting money and/or gainful employment, by the end of August I had neither funds nor function to my name. The deal with my husband was that if nothing had changed, come September, I would actively look for a job (which to him looks like searching the want ads and submitting job applications as opposed to sitting on a beach while visualizing working for Oprah…huh).
As per my commitment, on the morning of September 1st, I woke and got to work. By 8 am I had prepped my resume and applied for a job. Then I proceeded to crawl back in bed, give God the middle finger, have a temper tantrum under the covers, and pout under my pillow for the next 3 hours.
I was mad that my summer manifestation efforts hadn’t worked. It looked like failure. It felt like deceit. I honestly believed it wouldn’t come to this. Something would work out. It seemingly always did.
So what happened? What went wrong? What now? Is the manifesting model is broken? Oh, but wait. What if it’s me that’s broken? Oh. Oh snap.
The anger turned to panic. But like the phoenix that dies and is reborn, my ashes eventually began to take shape.
As I wrestled with my thoughts, lassoing in close those that felt good and letting loose those that didn’t, I began to see how limited my perspective was. It wasn’t that God wasn’t listening. It wasn’t that the co-creation model stopped working. It was that I thought I knew what was best for me, and I didn’t. What is happening now, updating my resume, looking/applying for jobs, being more practical and a little less fantastical, is what I need to be doing to grow. Why? Because that it what is happening. Whatever is happening now, is what needs to happen. Simply stated, what is now is what now is needed.
Once I worked through my pity party, I found my faith by remembering a few fundamental beliefs:
- We are spiritual beings having a human experience.
- Our purpose in this (and every) human experience is to learn and feel, so we can grow and evolve.
- God, our Creator, has our best interests at heart.
- Things work in Divine timing, as opposed to a restricted linear-view of timing (which is why our manifestation efforts don’t always appear to work. God doesn’t refer to the Gregorian calendar).
- Everything happens for a reason – even if it is simply to learn from the experience, that reason alone requires us to pay attention. The more aware we are, the more we learn. The more we learn the more we grow.
- By doing what’s before us today, what is needed today, we are working on fulfilling our purpose.
It took a tunnel of pain to find faith again. Maybe though, that’s part of our plight…being challenged and feeling lost. Because then, again, we have the opportunity – the free will – to decide which way to go. Do we renew our faith or forge a new path? That’s our choice. And by losing our way, we get to determine what that decision is. Our path, our faith, becomes an active decision as opposed to an automatic one.
There are no coincidences. Sometimes we need to be lost to be found. And while it may sometimes look like a scene from The Exorcist with a violently shaking body on the bed (aka, mine a few days ago), it gets us to where we need to be.
With loving gratitudes,